sufjan stevens in a literature class

kurtz, there is no line.

‘I think [the wilderness] has whispered to him things about himself which he did not know, things of which he had no conception till he took counsel with this great solitude – and the whisper had proved irresistibly fascinating. It echoed loudly within him because he was hollow at the core...’

‘There was nothing exactly profitable in these heads being there. They only showed that Mr Kurtz lacked restraint in the gratification of his various lusts, that there was something wanting in him – some small matter which, when the pressing need arose, would not be found under his magnificent eloquence’

there is a conflict in the human heart between rational and irrational, between good and evil, and good does not always triumph.

photo

very nicely

drunk.
the recorder lady and her boyfriend with the 1990 computer are asleep legs splayed mouths open.

"heels?" he asks, "you're making an effort"
i tell him i'm not.
blisters rub at my heels. we both know i'm lying.
it's ok. it's the game we play.
we'll never/always be mediocre.

write life only slightly out of proportion.
no need to distinguish between
sky and sea. horizon? no.

___

I missed three trams to finish my last, cheap, cigarette. He holds onto my hands and says, they're cold, you're cold. You know that, I tell him, and he nods.
That's life.
I avoid eye contact.
There's something on your mind, he says.
No.
You're cold. Really, cold.

yoko

misplaced apostrophies are much worse than none at all.

free tom waits download has made my morning.
also literature teacher: 'please. apostrophies. they're easy. just get them right. please.'

bad grammar, dislike. bad grammar in english teachers, dislike.
english teachers who correct people with bad grammar.
love.

\the horror

protest movement pictures. yesplease.

bad posture.

let's be beatniks.

when you wear sunglasses, people look you in the eye.

sometimes kissing people you shouldn't kiss is a very good idea.

stacy says, fuck it '09, and i say, i don't know.

being young. yes.

responsibiliototototototo. no.

paint

something a little more pretty, please.

texttypelove. yes yes yes yes yes.

story of my life.

always with the procrastination.
i could write a novel in the time i spend avoiding it.
bake cakes
clean the house
watch a movie
paint ink all over your hands and feet
annotate your folio
read several non compulsory books
write a blog
send text messages implying you are so, so free to do anything, that does not involve study
have another cigarette
buy some orange juice
friendly facebook stalk

lazy. i think that's the word i'm looking for.

everything's a negative of everything else. these days i look at the world like a great big set of undeveloped pictures, and all the people are unduly black and their hair is white and the negative of me is, i don't know.

we tried to work it out.
we think it's a really hardcore basketball jock. someone who understands sport-talk and wakes up early For The Team and really enjoys motivational running around.
or a Bush loving redneck
i wouldn't count on it.

the negative of lydia is awkward clunky person, and the negative of brendon is shy boy that doesn't know what to say. the negative of lee is ultra macho.
it's easier to define what you DON'T want in a partner, than what you do want.

my phone refuses to ring when i want it to.
i should work. probably. or go procrastinate elsewhere.