des hommes et des dieux

"Should it ever befall me, and it could happen today, to be a victim of the terrorism swallowing up all foreigners here, I would like my community, my church, my family, to remember that all my life was given to God and to this country. That the unique master of all life was no stranger to this brutal departure. And that my death is the same as so many other violent ones, consigned to the apathy of oblivion. I've lived enough to know, I'm complicit in the evil that, alas, prevails over the world, and the evil that will smite me blindly. I could never desire such a death. I could never feel glad that these people I love be accused randomly of my murder. I know the contempt felt for the people here, indiscriminately. And I know how Islam is distorted by a certain Islamism. This country, for me, are something different. They're a body and a soul. My death, of course, will quickly vindicate those who called me naive or idealistic, but they must know that I will be freed of a burning curiosity and, God willing, will immerse my gaze in the Father's and contemplate with Him His children of Islam as he sees them. This thank you which encompasses my entire life includes you, of course, friends of yesterday and today, and you too, friends of last minute, who knew not what you were doing. Yes, to you as well I address this thank you and this farewell which you envisaged. May we meet again, happy theives in paradise, if it pleases God the Father of us both. Amen. Insha'Allah."

draft/amphetamines

for lack of coloured area
there is
negative space

for lack of reality
there is
duty

in the deep sea
there are
arms and legs and
lungs and mind
that don't, won't, can't

in absence of a god
there is only
responsibility for what we've
failed to do

you, only happy in the
war that broke you.

can't glorify

four of us
(and two of you)
moving like such awful imitations of
real people
to a song you can't have heard

music like the kind of white noise that keeps you up at night:
loop; whywhywhywhywhy.
beat; nonononono.

knowing nothing but to hold the sides and
watch the middle float away.

writing again for the first time in howevereverlong OR I once read an article on hallucinations during holy fasts

the detail in delusions
you relish
a focal point from which perspectives lines
pull, the highway sharpens
until even the self is distant; legs
wobbling hands shaking eyes fluttering
mind blanked and
pure.